10 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Pregnant Woman

(In no specific order:)

1. "Are you sure it's not twins?"

I can't tell you how many times I was asked this question during my first pregnancy. I think it's the most offensive, even though people always asked in a joking way. Listen, I don't care if you are joking - it is not funny to ask this question to any pregnant woman! Chances are that you would already be aware of the fact if I was indeed pregnant with twins. My response to these jokers: Are you sure you're not a douchebag?

2. "Are you sure they got your due date correct?"

Again, always asked in a joking manner, but extremely unfunny. I get it; I'm incredibly fat.

3. "WOW!" , "WHOAH!" Or any other similar exclamation.

Completely unnecessary. We pregos are WAY more aware of our excess weight than you are. Keep the comments/alarming looks to yourself.

4. "You're SO big!"

No sh**!

5. "You look like you're ready to go any second..."

How awkward do you have to make me feel when I explain that, no, I still have 2 whole months left? This is a VERY common one in the final months.

6."You look terrible!" or "You look miserable!" (which translate into the same statement)

Yes, people actually say these things to pregnant women. I may be thinking that I'm having a pretty good day, and then someone will tell me that I look "miserable".

7. "Was your pregnancy planned?"

Umm....awkward! In what way does that information apply to you? If your name does not have "Doctor" in front of it, you should probably not be asking this question.

8. "Are you going to have a natural birth?"

I would consider anything that finds its way out of my body to be pretty natural. Am I going to make things slightly easier for myself by accepting pain managing drugs? Absolutely! Does that make it less natural? Not in my opinion! Now I'm not knocking water births, but how is that any more natural? You're not a freaking dolphin!

9. Stories about people who have lost their babies.

People - mostly women and often strangers - will tell you the most horrifying tales of baby deaths while you're pregnant. Why do they feel so inclined? Do they not remember how scary every step of pregnancy and parenthood is? Which brings us to 10:

10. Labor horror stories.

Every woman who has given birth has a story. Most of them feel inclined to share their stories. Personally, I have never really had a problem with listening to experiences. But labor horror stories are in a different category. These are tales that scare the crap out of first-timers who have no idea what to expect. It's not very comforting being told how one woman suffered hours of agonizing labor only to be given a c-section in the end. Or hearing about how horribly some women tear. Or finding out how much blood is involved. Or learning that most women poop at some point during labor. It's probably better to keep these stories to yourself.